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June 16th, 2008

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April 27th, 2008

02:27 am - Building the Bubble Room almost clean. Absolute eradication of dust indispensable. Cats breaking down clear 19-year-old skin into hivey, itchy swamp monster mess. Throat closing off... (And here I thought coming home would be a relief.) Current Mood: aggravated

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March 5th, 2008

09:57 pm - "My hobby is stuffing things..." When I'm trying not to study, I have a habit of admiring my dorm room. Collectively, these things have all begun to feel "homey": the pineapple bookends, those Urinetown photos, my Ulster flag, the Egyptian wrap on my bed (which I secretly love--okay, maybe not-so-secretly), the rose pinned to my corkboard... I thought I might want to label the rose; you know, just so I can remember where it's from and what it meant to me when I bring it home in May to tie up with my other roses. I thought I might label those too--just something short and sweet like, "Nick--Bye Bye Birdie, 2004," and then I realized that would be insane. It'd be hanging there, right next to "Nathan--Valentine's Day, 2008," like a piece from some kind of bizarre museum exhibit. I kept a lot of stuff, I think, that I never realized was weird until tonight when the idea of going home to label my rose collection suddenly made me feel like Norman Bates. This quaint little image of myself in forty years, wearing my Secord council sweater and showing off "My Roses" to the terrified neighbourhood children in a room full of old letters and stuffed pets flashed before me, and letting go--instantly--became remarkably easy. Laughably so, even. I learned something tonight: dead roses (from dead relationships) and dead mothers are not things anyone ought to keep. The world seems so much less crazy when you stop being crazy yourself. Norman: She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you? Marion: Yes. Sometimes just one time can be enough. .

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December 10th, 2007

03:22 am - Reductio Ad Absurdum. Exam week. ORYX and CRAKE are at separate desks, separate houses, racking up some extraordinary phone bills. ORYX: I hate when you do that. You can't just throw some stupid sexist generalization to explain why I don't find the Bill Cosby Rap funny! CRAKE: I'm not trying to say that you don't find it funny because you're female, I'm just saying that studies have suggested that some women have different views on what is "funny". ORYX: What a shady angle! Isn't it more plausible that I don't find it funny because I'm not "up" on all my Cosby parodies? CRAKE: Well, yes; that's probably it. I'm not criticizing your sense of humour--you know, you're the exception! (CRAKE laughs.) ORYX grumbles. CRAKE opts for a subject change. CRAKE: So I've decided I hate organic chemistry. ORYX: You know, studies have proven that some men who hate organic chemistry are gay. CRAKE: That's how we're going to play, eh? ORYX is triumphant. ORYX makes note of this victory. Current Mood: amused

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November 9th, 2007

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October 17th, 2007

10:07 pm - Brand New Colony. I've done it. I've taken the plunge. I've abandonned ship. I've moved up to the much-more-pompous, less-1998-looking, typical-university blogspot blog. You may now find me wasting my time at: A Stellar Diversion. Current Mood: excited

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August 13th, 2007

11:54 am Enter ORYX alone, looking thoroughly displeased. Throwing herself onto the empty bed, she reflects, ruefully, on another perfectly planned night mangled and mutilated. Does no one else crave adventure and variety? How long, she wonders, can they be satisfied with being so stagnant, so uninspired? She turns off her light and glares at the wall. ORYX: What a waste of fantastic underwear. ORYX is in over her head. **** Pardon the cryptic quality of these posts. They're kind of a project, really. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Save Room - John Legend

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June 11th, 2007

01:55 pm - Lord, listen lover... ORYX enters, companion in tow. She's a little too poised, a little too charming; eyes clear, head up, passive smile. She returns to the bar where CRAKE is waiting; her companion casually mingles elsewhere. CRAKE: The others left. ORYX: Really? Shit. A minute's silence passes and camaraderie and clamour carry on around them. Then CRAKE, pointedly: CRAKE: How was tea? ORYX: Oh, good. CRAKE: You went to that place around the corner? CRAKE watches her intently. ORYX hesitates... then gives a warm smile and an affirmative nod. CRAKE nods in turn, once, unsmiling. Eye contact lingers then breaks. Blue eyes dart downwards, green ones fix on the far wall. ORYX's smile melts. The band continues their set. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: The Police and The Private - Metric

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May 4th, 2007

08:43 pm "The bird with the thorn in its breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven by its sense of it knows not what to impale itself, and die singing. At the very instant the thorn enters, there is no awareness in it of the dying to come; it simply sings and sings until there is not the life left to utter another note. But we, when we put the thorns in our breast, we know. We understand. And still we do it. Still, we do it." -Colleen McCullough, The Thornbirds Current Mood: happy

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March 7th, 2007

10:57 am - Happy Half-Year. "...the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way," said Chandler to Monica last night as he proposed in a sea of candles. I remember the first time I watched that moment. Then, I melted a little; last night I was jealous. And it got me wondering what exactly is required to make somebody else that happy. How did Monica do it? Was it a conscious effort or an unconscious effort or both? Was it how she walked or her bad massages or that she lived across the hall? When you set out only to make somebody impossibly happy, how can you fail? How come, sometimes, you can do everything in your power to get a smile from someone, to make fond memories, and to immortalize yourself as "good for that person" and you can still fall short? How come you couldn't love me, this time? In campy romantic comedies, there's often one character with some whacked out romantic reservations. Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride was a huge commitment phobe but Richard Gere pushed past that and did some ridiculous things to prove how much he loved her, and when she ran, he ran after because it was just that important. Romantic comedy commitment phobes always find that last minute epiphany, and it always works out for them, all because of love and because someone loved them enough to persevere. Campy movies have taught me that if something is important, go after it. Your effort will never be in vain because if you won't accept defeat then you can't be defeated; love conquers all. But when do you give it up? If I pushed on, what would happen? Would you melt and realize how badly you need me, or would I be pushing you away? When the romantic comedy commitment phobe wants "space", do you give them space or do you do wild and crazy things that make you look like a complete idiot to get them back? By not chasing after you am I therefore letting you go? Can I just refuse to, like Richard Gere? I don't know. Maybe romantic comedies are too idealized to apply to real life. Maybe no one should have made them then. I'm lost. I wonder if there's some problem solving romantic equation out there that would bring you around, that I just can't find---maybe in some other movie, some other sitcom. A part of this, despite your protests, has to be me. It could be how I walk, or my massages, or how I never lived across the hall. It could be that I just don't fit when I have nothing going on, but it's just a year off; this won't be my life. (I was there for your year off.) Somehow I don't compel you and I don't get it because you loved me once. We've established already that we're compatible and if you're capable of loving me and I'm willing to do whatever it takes then it should all come together. But it couldn't right now. So I guess this is just some anomaly. I hope you straighten it out. I hope you come to some Julia Roberts epiphany about love and its immense worth in life and its role in finding happiness. I hope this compels you in some way because I couldn't. I should tell you that I hope you'll find someone who can move you and bring all that love out, but I don't mean that yet. So instead, I'll tell you that you did make me happier than I ever thought I could be and that I miss you. Because I do. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Luckiest - Ben Folds

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February 9th, 2007

01:02 pm - Social Criticism or Valid Concern? Remember those girls in high school who would drink in parking lots and carry around those aggravating little weenie handbags? You know, the rude ones in the tacky, white "Baby Phat" sneakers and the impossibly short skirts, who wrote the worst god damn essays you've ever seen, and had enough attitude to dissolve paint off walls? The ones that used Hallowe'en as an excuse to dress like playmate of the year, loved the Fast and The Furious movies, and who used those moronic little symbols in their MSN names followed by some really deep song lyrics from Luda or Ashanti? Who put shit like: - sees thru brown eyes... - brushes.. platinum blonde hair - lovvezz her girls!!! - and alwayz love to party <3333 ... in ridiculous formatting on every online profile they ever put together? You know those ones? Right, well, here's the thing: Why the fuck do they all want to work with children and sick people? . Current Mood: distressed

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November 29th, 2006

11:06 am - Mmm, what'd ya say? "Oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before the takeover the sweeping insensitivity of this still life." ...etc. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

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November 14th, 2006

03:37 pm - Migraine Day... Every time I get a migraine, I taste grape tylenol. I haven't taken it in years, but the flavour still makes me nauseous. It's funny how stuff like that sticks with you. Current Mood: sick Current Music: blessed silence

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October 25th, 2006

09:13 pm Dear Danny, There is no such thing as "a millenia". Dear Conscience, Shut up. It's 4am. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Title & Registration - DCFC

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August 23rd, 2006

01:06 pm - A Novel Idea Pardon the angst on the previous post. I swore I wouldn't do that, but sometimes I just love to be tragic. Today I share with you a book brought to my attention by a good friend. Marvel: I think I'm most intrigued by the "love stories" part --- intrigued and very, very, confused. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: All That I've Got - The Used

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August 2nd, 2006

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June 23rd, 2006

03:28 am - Poetic Insomnia? At the eeriest hour of three AM, The silence is comforting, And the shadows familiar; The creaks and groans the purr Of settling woodwork, Yet, A commonplace, utterly ordinary, and inoffensive, Upside-down shampoo bottle terrifies me. My bathroom is in a state of Unrest. Current Mood: awake

August 14th, 2005

11:55 am - Dear Craig and Ariella... <3 Current Mood: creative

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